The best hip flask is half empty. It’s best because you’ve poured a couple for yourself and one for your friend and now you guys are screaming streams of scathing and furious imprecations at the footballing team of your choosing. But at some point during the game, the other footballing team has taken possession of the leather orb of balling of feet, your buddy went to pee, and you’re left to ruminate. Naturally, you wonder, what is the best hip flask.
This is an age-old question
Surely such luminaries as Ptolemy and Machiavelli pondered this same conundrum. Surely they sat on a well-worn stump with their savage teams balling the feet of their enemies, fluffing their togas, and wondering to themselves, which whiskey flask is the right whiskey flask for me? Or even
What material is best for a hip flask?
Because that matters. A lot. Ptolemy can tell you, clay is a bad idea. You can make a hip flask out of ceramics, sure. And God knows Ptolemy’s Egypt has plenty of sand. But they’re heavy and fragile and slippery. Metal is much better and though the ancient Egyptians didn’t have stainless steel, you do. So you can have a stainless steel hip flask for your whiskey and why wouldn’t you? But that isn’t the most important question. The most important question is
What is a good hip flask brand?
Because quality matters. And cred matters. And you’re already about to do an old-school thing by whipping out a stainless steel hip flask. Why not level up with a brand-name whiskey flask?
This surely will lead you to an even bigger question:
What is the perfect size flask?
I mean, a gallon is not entirely out of the question but hard to conceal. And even if you’re in a place of feet ballsmanship wherein they allow a hip flask, you still have to be discreet because that’s just how shit works. You can’t go balls deep in the stands hauling a handle of Beam around your crew. You have to be cool. That’s why it’s called a hip flask and not a back-flagon.
