Every once in a while, an amazing restaurant opens then way, way too soon, closes. This happened recently to Soif, a tiny upscale joint in the basement under Testaccio. Their menu was Bordainian. Their wine and port pairings were a thing of sheer beauty. But their bartenders, well now, the bartenders were the absolute tits. Eddie and Kenny built a solid wall of whiskey, punctuated by highly literate cocktails infused with some kind of joyously nerdish ex-pat wonder. Just look at the ingredients for their Sherry Pearouettes: Pinhook Flagship Green Rye, St. George Spiced Pear, Contrabandista Amontillato Blend Sherry, Lustao Pedro Ximinez, and an orange. Then there was their Gentle Reminder: Broken Barrel California Oak Bourbon, Alpina Walnut Liquor, St. Elizabeth Alspice Dram, and Angostura. Jesus Hold my Beer Christ. The two are taking a moment to process (and maybe travel) but will be back on the scene shortly. Me and Pie Hole can’t wait. Wherever these titans tend bar, we’ll be there standing in line.
What are you reading?
Eddie: Jitterbug Perfume, by Tom Robbins. I’m rereading it. I’ve read a few of his others.
Kenny Sirovotka: Cosmopolitan, a Bartenders Life—Toby Chinichi. I was on a plan to SF this last week. I’ve read it many many times.
What was the last song you listened to on purpose?
Eddie: Koto Kushi — Aesop Rock
Kenny: This must be the place, Talking heads. My most often played at Soif was their live album.
Worst thing you can say to a bartender
Eddie: (thinking) “Just make me whatever you like” Trust me you don’t like what I like. I mean, some people like Fernet daquiris…
Kenny: I had a 15 minute conversation with this guy…we had a good selection over there…we settled on Buzzard’s Roost. He wanted it neat and we recommended we put some ice in there because it’s 114 proof. A few minutes later he said can I have a coke? Then he poured the rye into the coke. I said this conversation is over.
What’s your guilty pleasure drink
Eddie: Fernet and coke.
Kenny: Mountain Dew and whiskey. It was originally made to put White Dog in it. Wild Turkey and Mountain Dew is phenomenal. Turns out it’s a whole thing…”Did you get your Turkey Dew?”
What’s the most fucked up drink you’ve ever seen someone really enjoy
Eddie: When I was a lot greener as a bartender I had a too much confidence in a dealer’s choice situation…you make a good base and eventually you get to that seventh ingredient and it flattens out and you hand it to them and they’re like THIS MY new favorite drink!
Kenny: I loved sneaking Malort into drinks and then people loved them.
People need to quit drinking . . .
Eddie: Whatever they’re drinking that they’ve had way too much of and they just drink it…if I can be mushy….at Soif it was so rare people asked for a marg or vodka soda…people were so ready and eager to try new stuff.
Kenny: Kneejerk answer–espresso martinis.
I never want to make another . . .
Eddie: Long Island Iced Tea.
Kenny: Skinny Girl Margarita.
Unconventional bar tool you can’t live without
Eddie: My sippy cup.
Kenny: Faucet wrench. Spanner wrench.
People ordering drinks in a bar should try…
Eddie: recording 23:35
Kenny: Have your money in your hand—more than you know what it’s gonna cost and the tip. Don’t say, “I’ll close it for now”
What’s your dream tat?
Eddie: A series of tattoos that make one piece eventually cricling one arm, torso, and back all being a carnival, a circus, a roller coaster. Amanda palmer song, “The Ride.”
Kenny: I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, are you familiar with futurama. Leela as a realistic pin up girl.
Most under appreciated whiskey
Eddie: a ton of whiskies a thousand times better than your $20 or $30 bottle whiskies…
Kenny: I think people shit on Benchmark way more than they should. It’s just baby Buffalo Trace.
If you weren’t tending bar for a living, you’d be…
Eddie: Painting, sculpting, learning other art forms and lastly scratch all that I’d just be out skateboarding.
Kenny: Brewing. (the Owl)
Parting shot
Eddie: I want to send some big thanks to Chris Hamm who was the managing and beverage director at Soif…As far as the soapbox: he exemplified really well, taking things seriously and doing your best but not taking yourself seriously. Also, one special thing that came from Soif is “Stop saying jigger.” From here on out, it’s call a measure.
Kenny: Don’t be a dick.
