Is everything ok at home? Because this is not the kind of question one asks if one has a driver’s license and can vote. This is a question asked by a 14-year-old 4Chan comment warrior who still hasn’t worked up the spit to click into PornHub. Is that you Gerald? Is that your mom’s laptop?
Let’s fix you now before you grow up and ask this question out loud on a date.
Because it doesn’t matter if you’re asking about the drink you’re ordering for your date, the drink you’re ordering for yourself, the drink your date ordered for you, or the drink you’re exceedingly well-groomed buddy, Carl, ordered for you both. In any of these scenarios, you are not gonna close so let’s back it all up and sit down and have a come to Jesus meeting, k?
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A GIRL DRINK
And let’s just get comfortable in the cis universe for a sec because, let’s face it, you’re the ones most likely to Google IS A BOULEVARDIER A GIRLY DRINK because you’re terrified that something you do or say or hear or think or feel might be unmanly or (heavens!) gay. That’s because you have Ray Charles’ glasses screwed very tightly to your cromagnificent dome, and you can’t see what’s genuine and real, and more than anything, you can’t grok the simple truth that the girl you want to kiss doesn’t want a girly drink.
Hell, she may not be that girly. Sure, she’s gorgeous and comes with all the accessories you like, but, dude, she games hard. She’s a headshot Ninja in Apex Legends. Most of the dudes playing her think she’s a man because, like you, they have all the imagination of a tiny Pop-Rocks nugget. When you’re not in the room, she blows her nose on an old t-shirt and farts out loud.
So quit treating her like she’s from another fucking planet and just AKS HER WHAT SHE LIKES!
Because respect is the coin of the real, Gerald. And, for your own edification, asking her what she likes applies to so many more scenarios than ordering a drink, the best of which you will never enjoy if you keep worrying that what you’re ordering for her ISN’T GIRLY ENOUGH, you summer dashboard heat melted 8-track tape of grunts.
Is a Boulevardier a girly drink? Is your mom?
Yes. No. Sure. Whatever. Here’s how you make one.
All American Whiskey’s Boulevardier
1 oz of Far North Bødalen Bourbon
1 oz of Campari
1 oz of Cocci Sweet Vermouth
Pour all the ingredients into a widemouthed vessel filled with ice. Stir with diligence and elan. When the liquid is properly chilled, strain into a chilled coupe. Garnish with a fat curl of orange peel. Enjoy.
