Most of the time Facebook does a commendable job of reminding just how far we’ve skidded down the evolutionary diagram. It reminds me that people are mostly just deranged marmosets fighting over likes and inspires me to throw my phone across the room then go read a book. But occasionally Facebook does me a solid and points out a new thing to me which in my wheelhouse is. Today it was an advertisement for Michael Buble’s new whiskey, Fraser & Thompson and I could not be happier about it.
Not because of the whiskey. I haven’t tasted it. Might taste like old shoe leather and cigarette butts for all I know. No, it’s their website which is drop dead hilarious. Please, please allow me to take you on a short tour of a beautiful piece of work.
Right at the top, a running transparent banner proclaims “under construction…or launched…we don’t even know anymore…we thought we had 3 more weeks,” in all caps. This sets up the deceit for the rest of the copy on this site: that the site was launched by a distracted celebrity with too much money and no whiskey sense well before the work was actually completed and against the express concerns of the design company building it. For anyone who’s launched a company or a site or worked in freelance in almost any capacity, the whole thing rings true. Look at this copy right in the middle of the splash page:
I paid for months of meticulous market research that spanned six demographics, one backdoor social media source, and an up-and-coming hacker who specializes in end-to-end encryption. The Fraser & Thompson launch was going to be brilliant. Flawless. Everyone was going to want this, need this, and drink it like it’s the liquid version of Ed Sullivan announcing The Beatles. You know where our launch party was going to be? The gardens of Champs-Élysées. But there are no gardens of Champs-Élysées! That’s just a street in Paris, but the Mayor was going to build the gardens for this launch. I was going to win awards! Mais, non. Monsieur Michael “5 Grammys isn’t enough. I want my own whiskey.” Bublé tells us to launch the campaign early, like he’s ordering a meatball sandwich from room service. So here it is, folks. Under construction, still buffering, and with the best voice in contemporary music telling us, “Easy, now, the whiskey speaks for itself.” Thanks, Michael. Sorry we interrupted your beauty sleep between world tour venues.
Fraser & Thompson
It gets better. Click on their news tab and it’s just empty placeholder posts, titled, with all the maliciously compliant glee of a design team who’s been dismissed by a celebrity, “Placeholder” followed by lorem lipsum placeholder text under the same overworked picture of Bubley slumped in a chair.
But the insouciant disregard comes to a head on their whiskey page. Where we would normally read a carefully crafted paean to the rustic origins of a whiskey we get this goddam gem:
Hey everyone! I need all hands on deck for this release. Here’s what I want the layout to be for the website. Make it clever, keep it cute, and remember: Michael Bublé is a charming, likable, family man with a rock-solid career. We can’t go wrong!
This paragraph should be about Michael Bublé, his achievements, and his identity as a classic sex symbol. Write something about him being VERY involved in the advertising. He is thinking about this campaign 24/7. He really wants it to be big and he will put the work in! Make up the quotes if you need to. It’s fine. We have time. I’m sure he’ll call us back eventually. After all, he took three years perfecting this whiskey. It’s not like he’s just going to launch this campaign from the comfort of his hotel room. Where is he, anyway? Try texting.
Second paragraph is about Paul Cirka, the Master Distiller and Blender. This part’s easy. Paul knows his shit. He hand-selected North American oak barrel whiskeys. Smooth flavor, sweet fig, and blood orange on the nose. Subtle finish of caramel, vanilla, and a hint of spice. Etc. etc. etc. Sophistication. Epicurean taste. Luxury. Take all your words and dress them in a bow tie.
Now here’s where we’re going to replace all the lorem ipsum with something funny. Like, tell an anecdote about Michael. He’s in a tuxedo, he makes Paul laugh and then they both sip whiskey together. Maybe they are standing by a billiard table? Make it work. You’ve got this.
I’m going to have plenty of time to go over everything before launch. I want this to be huge.
Procrastinate responsibly.
-Marshall Watson
WES Brands
The site and the marketing are part of Wes Brands but you have to drill pretty deep to find that out, but kudos to these people for throwing together a damn skippy piece of work. Salud!
