…and anyway, now that Coolio’s gone, I think west coast G-funk gangsta hip-hop pop rap is really coming to a close. I mean, Tommy Boy blew it in ’19, then Reservoir picked them up and—what? Is a seven and seven a girl drink? Sir? You’re in the wrong bar.
So what I was saying is Gangsta’s Paradise sounds dated as hell now, what—27 years later? But as soon as that synth drops, you can feel your whole upper body crump. Right? Yeah, like—What? Jeebus Hit Song Crass, what is wrong with you, man? You’re here by yourself, there’s nobody in the bar but me and Freddy, and we’re trying to cope with the untimely death of a beloved rap god, but we can’t get through a single thought because you keep asking me if a 7-and-7 is a girl drink. Do you see a girl anywhere in here? I mean, besides Lisa. She’s working, and believe me, if she ordered you a drink, it would be your last one.
No, a 7-and7 is not a girl drink.
What I mean, Freddy, is you have to appreciate the way Gangsta Paradise builds. Starts with a skit, then you have “Geto Highlights,” which is kind of like the camera of the story of the album has shifted to the action going on in the background of the skit. I mean, look at the video when Michelle Pfeiffer sits down on that chair and Coolio’s talking to her with smoke coming out of his mouth like he’s ghetto Smaug and—NO, JESUS HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND CHRIST A SEVEN AND SEVEN IS NOT A GIRL DRINK!
But try and call up that video now. Right? Weird Al is right at the top every time. And you know what’s next Freddy Frikkin Krueger’s “Dreamer’s Paradise.” I mean credit where credit is due, “Amish Paradise” is a jewel of a parody. It’s essentially perfect. But can we talk Google into respecting the original artist and always putting their work above the fold? Dude only had one point five in the bank when he died. And he was doing movies and T.V. It’s sad, man. Should have been hitting much higher numbers. Especially since “Gangsta’s Paradise” is in like, what, five movies? Should have been richer, is all I’m saying, and — I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH. ASK ME AGAIN! ASK. ME. AGAIN IF A 7-AND-7 IS A GIRL DRINK! FREDDY, HAUL THIS MAN OUT! NO, A 7&7 is not a girl drink; it’s this:
Ingredients for a 7 and 7
- 2 ounces of blended American whiskey, typically Seagram’s 7, but you can do better. Try using Guidance Whiskey.
- 4 ounces 7-Up.
Fill a highball with ice. Add Guidance Whiskey. Top with 7-up. You could garnish it, but we’re just gonna throw that away so why bother?