is a whiskey sour a girly drink

Is a Whiskey Sour a Girly Drink?

Yes hell it is. No hell it ain’t. Buy one for a girly. Drink one yourself—you need to learn to dance anyway.

Whiskey drinks that are girly drinks are really any whiskey drinks a girly drinks

The very idea that a particular drink is somehow innately ‘girly,’ is offensive to any whiskey drinker with even an ounce of sophistication. I should know. My wife is a reformed girly drink drinker and I couldn’t be happier.

Not that it matters what drink a girly drinks

I mean, girlies drink whatever they want. You don’t get to determine which drink is a girly drink and you sure as hell don’t get to decide which whiskey drink is a girly whiskey drink. Only girlies can do that.  But you need to step back and ask yourself how you found yourself in this precarious moment wherein you have stated aloud to a bartender in the presence of a girly: is a whiskey sour a girly drink?

I like whiskey and she likes girly drinks

Is probably a sentence you have said out loud. That you were wildly mistaken was, at the time, not evident. But sir (I know there is a proportion of readers who will stumble over the barely subtextual gender tagging in this story, but a greater proportion are cis men who’ve screwed up and asked their cis date who has just ordered a whiskey sour ‘is a whiskey sour a girly drink’. Please be patient with them—and with this story as it is trying to help them).

Does this look girly to you?

Is a Whiskey Sour a Girly Drink?

Yes. Yes it fucking is. Not in the bygone idea that girly drinks are voluptuous vats of syrupy booze decorated with umbrellas and flowers, no. But in the sense that ANY DRINK A GIRLY DRINKS IS FUNDAMENTALLY A GIRLY DRINK. Also, please know and please recognize that I am employing the word ‘girly’ as a self-referential linguistic tool in order to highlight just how backasswardian such employment—should it occur in your conversation with a girly at a bar—is.

Is a Manhattan a Girly drink?

How are you still awake? How do you walk and breath simultaneously? In the ludicrous context of alcoholic beverages some thick necked Jethronian bumfucks refer to as ‘girly,’ meaning they are treacly and colorful and adorned with foliage, then no. A Manhattan is not a girly drink. If you, a sexually nervous cis male is reading this article hunched over your phone with your back to your crisply dressed male friend who just ordered you a Manhattan, rest assured, there’s a 99 percent chance he’s not trying to pick you up by ordering you a girl drink and it’s cool, you’re not gay.

If you, a sexually nervous homosexual male is reading this article with your back turned to your trucker hat bedecked cis male friend who just ordered you a Manhattan, then no, he is not subtexting you as a femme, he’s just trying to keep up. Also, next round get him a Boulevardier. Level up.

Is a whiskey ginger a girly drink?

Did you not read the previous paragraph? A soda and lime is a girly drink if a girl is drinking it. And let’s just be clear, again, in our usage of the phrase girl in this article. If you’re buying an alcoholic drink for a girl then you should probably take an uber to jail, you psychopath.

Women are not girls, stop saying that; it’s not a girl drink it’s a drink for a woman

Also, stop identifying drinks as girly. You drink whiskey now. It’s time to put an age statement on your persona and open yourself to the wide and beautiful world of not fucking worrying about whether or not something is girly. Nothing is girly. Everything is girly. Relax.

Is a Whiskey Sour a Girly Drink?

No. Girly drinks are overly sweet and overly garnished. A whiskey sour is slightly sweet and has no garnish.

Is a Whiskey Ginger a Girly Drink?

No. A Whiskey Ginger is Irish Whiskey and ginger ale. It’s refreshing but not girly.

Is an Old Fashioned a Girly Drink?

No. But also yes. By itself, an Old Fashioned is not a girly drink. It isn’t overly sweet, nor is it heavily garnished. However, if you should meet a woman who orders an Old Fashioned, then you should marry her.

Original photo by Ambitious Creative Co. – Rick Barrett on Unsplash

Author: Bull Garlington
Bull Garlington is an author and columnist in Chicago who writes about the madness of travel, analog tools, food, wine, and whiskey. Garlington lives with [his attorney], smokes black cavendish, hikes the easy trails, and makes a mean gumbo yaya.

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