Last Updated on April 25, 2022 by Bull Garlington
Yes hell it is. No hell it ain’t. Buy one for a girly. Drink one yourself—you need to learn to dance anyway.
Whiskey drinks that are girly drinks are really any whiskey drinks a girly drinks
The very idea that a particular drink is somehow innately ‘girly,’ is offensive to any whiskey drinker with even an ounce of sophistication. I should know. My wife is a reformed girly drink drinker and I couldn’t be happier.
Not that it matters what drink a girly drinks
I mean, girlies drink whatever they want. You don’t get to determine which drink is a girly drink and you sure as hell don’t get to decide which whiskey drink is a girly whiskey drink. Only girlies can do that. But you need to step back and ask yourself how you found yourself in this precarious moment wherein you have stated aloud to a bartender in the presence of a girly: is a whiskey sour a girly drink?
I like whiskey and she likes girly drinks
Is probably a sentence you have said out loud. That you were wildly mistaken was, at the time, not evident. But sir (I know there is a proportion of readers who will stumble over the barely subtextual gender tagging in this story, but a greater proportion are cis men who’ve screwed up and asked their cis date who has just ordered a whiskey sour ‘is a whiskey sour a girly drink’. Please be patient with them—and with this story as it is trying to help them).
Is a Whiskey Sour a Girly Drink?
Yes. Yes it fucking is. Not in the bygone idea that girly drinks are voluptuous vats of syrupy booze decorated with umbrellas and flowers, no. But in the sense that ANY DRINK A GIRLY DRINKS IS FUNDAMENTALLY A GIRLY DRINK. Also, please know and please recognize that I am employing the word ‘girly’ as a self-referential linguistic tool in order to highlight just how backasswardian such employment—should it occur in your conversation with a girly at a bar—is.
Is a Manhattan a Girly drink?
How are you still awake? How do you walk and breath simultaneously? In the ludicrous context of alcoholic beverages, some thick-necked Jethronian bumfucks refer to as ‘girly,’ meaning they are treacly and colorful and adorned with foliage, then no. A Manhattan is not a girly drink. If you, a sexually nervous cis male is reading this article hunched over your phone with your back to your crisply dressed male friend who just ordered you a Manhattan, rest assured, there’s a 99 percent chance he’s not trying to pick you up by ordering you a girl drink and it’s cool, you’re not gay.
If you, a sexually nervous homosexual male is reading this article with your back turned to your trucker hat bedecked cis male friend who just ordered you a Manhattan, then no, he is not subtexting you as a femme, he’s just trying to keep up. Also, for the next round get him a Boulevardier. Level up.
Is a whiskey ginger a girly drink?
Did you not read the previous paragraph? Soda and lime is a girly drink if a girl is drinking it. And let’s just be clear, again, in our usage of the phrase girl in this article. If you’re buying an alcoholic drink for a girl then you should probably take an uber to jail, you psychopath.
Women are not girls, stop saying that; it’s not a girl drink it’s a drink for a woman
Also, stop identifying drinks as girly. You drink whiskey now. It’s time to put an age statement on your persona and open yourself to the wide and beautiful world of not fucking worrying about whether or not something is girly. Nothing is girly. Everything is girly. Relax.
Important Questions to determine if a Whiskey Sour is a Girly Drink
How to tell if a whiskey sour is a girly drink:
- ARE YOU A GIRL?
I know, tough question. For the sake of clarity, All American Whiskey defines ‘girl’ in this context as any person who thinks to themself “I am a woman/girl/female”. While we recognize the term girl can be used and experienced as a diminutive, we feel that people who ask the question “is a whiskey sour a girly drink” have already made up their minds and are using it instead as a power tag. So you have to ask yourself: are you a girl?
- ARE YOU GETTING A DRINK?
Maybe you’re ordering one at a killer dive bar, or maybe you’re at home and you’re about to make yourself a well-deserved cocktail and you think, girl, you need a damn girly drink. You have whiskey and you have sour mix. Obviously, a whiskey sour is in your future. But is it a girl’s drink?
- ARE YOU, A GIRL, GOING TO DRINK THIS DRINK?
If your answer is yes, then obviously your whiskey sour is a girly drink because, you, a girl, are drinking it. There really aren’t any more determining factors.
- ARE THERE SOME OTHER COOL GIRLY DRINKS WITH WHISKEY?
Damn right there are. How about a fat tumbler of Milam & Greene neat? How about an Old Fashioned? How about something more Scottish, like our very own Fuck Bagpipes? I would refer you to the beginning of this article wherein we determine that there aren’t really any drinks one can truly define as girly. However, if you’re looking for something classy and elegant and maybe very, very approachable that’s made with whiskey, then keep reading.
These drinks are girly drinks kind of like a whiskey sour:
- Sazerac—made with Rye, sweet vermouth, bitters, and a int of absinthe. The little black dress of cocktails.
- Boulevardier—made with bourbon, campari, and sweet vermouth. Slightly off kilter, literary, deliciousw.
- Paper Plane—made with bourbon, aperol, amaro, and lemon juice. It’s could be called Jackie Onassis on the Amalfi coast.
- Manhattan—classic and elegant as hell; rye, sweet vermouth, bitters and a Luxardo Cherry.
- Kentucky Mule—it’s a moscow mule but made with whiskey. It’s almost a mint julep but with lime. Look, it’s boozy and good and served in a copper mug.
No. Girly drinks are overly sweet and overly garnished. A whiskey sour is slightly sweet and has no garnish.
No. A Whiskey Ginger is Irish Whiskey and ginger ale. It’s refreshing but not girly.
No. But also yes. By itself, an Old Fashioned is not a girly drink. It isn’t overly sweet, nor is it heavily garnished. However, if you should meet a woman who orders an Old Fashioned, then you should marry her.